Brad Huff SUCKS!

2007-09-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

2007-04-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

YOU SUCK!

2007-02-27T05:55:00.000-08:00

2nd Loser!

CUT YOUR HAIR! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

2007-02-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

Another 4th place for Huffy at the Langkawi.

It's okay. I always finished just one spot off the podium, too.

We still love you. And, Happy Birthday!

2007-01-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Nice MULLETTTT!

I added some extra Ts to account for length and the nicely colored uniforms....Tennis anyone?

Why don't you win something already.

2006-10-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

Huffycakes,

Do you have pictures of you and Friedman participating in this kind of homo-erotic team bus prerace strategy sessions? If not you can put this picture above your bed.

Love,

Jr. Varsity

2006-10-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

butthead,

jroseberry has sent you this email from http://stlbiking.com/forum/index.php.

hey butthead, any interest in posting this to Brad Huff Sucks?

Yet another example of how much Brad Huff Sucks. October 17th was the press conference to introduce the new Tour of Missouri and there were several current and former top-notch pro cyclists in attendance, including ‘Fast’ Freddy Rodriguez, Kevin Livingston, Russ Murphy, and Mark Gorski. For some reason Fat Boy Huff was in that group. No, not just in attendance, but actually sitting on the stage. And they introduced him as ‘Pro Cyclist from Springfield, Missouri, Brad Huff.’ I guess they f
e
lt bad saying ‘first loser but still National Crit Champion’. They put him up on the stage, sitting right next to Fast Freddy and Kevin who have their suit jackets on and looking all nice and here’s Huffy with his little mullet sticking out and goofy white sunglasses sitting on top of his head. He’s got a pressed blue shirt on, I guess he stopped at Wal-mart on the way in, and it’s open at the collar just enough to let the tip of his gay chest hair arrow peak out.

If only he was satisfied with displaying his suckiness through just his appearance. If only… Instead, Brad had to prove the full depth of his suckiness. Being the no-name Pro Cyclist from Springfield, they appropriately stuck him at the end of the table. Trying to hide his degree of suck by being a ‘gentleman’, Brad kept scooting his chair back and forth to let other people out. Little did he know, or care, that all he was doing was pissing people off with the constant scritch-scratch, up

down, look at me, I’m a pro-cyclist. His constant need for attention, really it’s just sad. The capper was when he moved just a little too far and FELL OFF THE STAGE flat on his back, instantly hopping back up and waving it off. ‘I’m ok! I’m ok!’ The way he jumped up, I expected him to do a couple of hand-springs and a flip, wave the ‘spirit hands’ and lead us in a cheer.

How can there be any more proof of the amount of suck that Huff has. He’s a pro cyclist? He can’t even sit in a fucking chair without falling. How can he ride a bike? What a complete suck-fest. I feel sorry for that National Champion jersey. It must shudder every time he slips it on.

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2006-10-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Seriously! Get some help.

2006-10-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with you Huff?

2006-09-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

Q: What does Brad do in the off season?
A: Suck!!!

So sorry you got rained out of Bermuda. WAAAAA, I'm in Bermuda and its raining. Shut it!!
What are you going to do will all your down time? I know.... you are going to race cross.

For all of you outside of the cross Mecca of Missouri I will let you in on some of Brad's previous suckiness.

Exhibit #1

Exhibit #2

(Notice the fatness and the Jamaican national team jersey)

First off Brad, that's a road bike. There are differences between a cross bike and a road bike. Ask your coach he will probably be able to explain the difference. If not, just go ride around in circles on one of those funny bikes will no gears and no brakes.

2006-08-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

My morning began with a phone call. It was a voice from a friend. I knew this because instantaneously the voice began to give me shit. Since it was a hotel phone I knew the enemy was from within.

When I made my way to breakfast I witnessed my travelling compatriots and the TIAA-CREF team. And then I saw the rank mutton chops of Mr. Huff. And I knew instantly that it would be a special day.

Later. After a truly shitty breakfast that consisted of carboard waffles, a derelict banana, and some hot brown water- myself, our eight foot tall junior, Frosted Flakes, and Inch were struggling up the lazy incline towards Downer's Grove whence we saw two lone riders heading our way. As we neared we say the distinctinve hues of the TIAA kit and after a flamboyantly gay parade wave and a truly sissified greeting we all waved back at Mr. Huff. Thinking to myself, "Brad seems somewhat pumped up (albeit in a VERY gay manner.)"

So we continued our drudging towards DG. When..... suddenly.....with no warning.... I hear at full brazen huffy gay stereo screaming defcom pitch ."Yayyyyyy!!!!..... Get Em!!!! Yayyyyaaayyyy...Go get em....!!! Yayyyayyyay... Go Get Em.." or some extremely loud hyper fuckin gay shocking noise. Couple this with the fact that he had managed to take his jersey off completely and roll his bib down to his coinslot AND he was riding no handed punching the air like a blind drunk Buster Douglas as he road through our peacefull little group...into a full 15 mph wheel jackknifing over the freaking handlebar faceplant in the middle of traffic.

It was over as quickly as it began.

Frosted Flakes didn't bat an eye and simply said, "That is the most fucked up thing I have ever seen."

Our erstwhile junior, wise beyond his years said, "I cannot believe that guy is a pro."

2006-08-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

I hate this shit.
What the fuck is Huffy trying to pull?
Only Gods win professional national championships, for Chrissakes. Huffy is flesh and blood. He's someone I know. Hell, it wasn't more than five or six years ago that I won a crit in Springfield and felt like rewarding myself, so I went over to get my butt rubbed by a sports massage therapist---and guess who it was that gave me the rub? It was Brad Huff, who now is Mr. Fancy, Schmancy Pro crit champion of the whole fucking U, S of A for Chrissakes.

You know, we're supposed to worship guys who win this, not remember when they rubbed our butts with hot oil and their bare hands. I had little droplets of sweat dropping down on my butt from the guy who's the pro crit champ. This is not right. These guys are supposed to be like Mickey Mantle and Babe Ruth and Anna Nicole Smith.

Unfortunately I have washed my butt many times since the current U.S. pro crit champ once firmly put his well-oiled hands on it. So I really couldn't prove, like with DNA analysis or anything, that it really happened. But he was injured and was out of racing for a few years and so he was finishing physical therapy school and trying to be a real adult and all.

Hey Brad, I'm glad that being a real adult didn't work out. That stars-n-bars pro jersey looked real good on you. Dude, you don't know how bad I wanted to ask you to rub my butt, just for old time's sake. Congrats.

2006-08-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

Brad,

What's wrong with you?!? Why does Creed have to push you to the finish? Maybe if he was there at Downer's to give you a hand you wouldn't have been the first loser.....

Hugs and Kisses,

Your #2 Fan

2006-08-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

First Loser AGAIN!!!!

2006-08-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

FIRST LOSER!

2006-07-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Back in the "Amateur Days"

2006-07-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

Suck it in FAT BOY!

This must have been a rest day for all of the "PROs"

2006-06-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

So it begins.............

After having Pretty Boy Huff come and take my money and pride for the last 2 weeks I have decided to do something about it.

I present "Brad Huff SUCKS!".

That is a right! A blog dedicated only to pointing out how much Pretty Boy Huff Sucks!

Example #1

Rochester twilight criterium
1 Hilton Clarke (Navigators Insurance) 1.33.32
2 Dan Schamtz (Kodak Gallery/Sierra Nevada)
3 Sebastian Alexandre (Colavita Olive Oil - Sutter Home)
4 Vassili Davidenko (Navigators Insurance)
5 Rahsaan Bahati (Team TIAA-CREF)
6 Frank Pipp (TARGETRAINING)
7 Shawn Milne (Navigators Insurance)
8 Zach Bell (Rite Aid Pro Cycling)
9 Brad Huff (Team TIAA-CREF)

Dumbass can't even finish in the top 5. Fuck from looking at the results it looks like only 9 people were there and he could not even stay on his leadout man's wheel who finished 5th.

NICE JOB PRETTY BOY! KEEP ON SUCKING!

So if you have photos or stories to show off Pretty Boy Huff's SUCKING! Send them to me. butthead@socket.net